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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25271602">keep it to myself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hardingsapphic/pseuds/hardingsapphic'>hardingsapphic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead To Me (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:07:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25271602</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hardingsapphic/pseuds/hardingsapphic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jen becomes a university teacher after her husband's death, as she struggles with finding any other job. At the university, Jen meets an art student, Judy Hale, who is eager to impress her new teacher.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Judy Hale &amp; Jen Harding, Judy Hale/Jen Harding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>keep it to myself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the first fanfiction I've ever written so please be nice. I have no idea how long it's going to be. Hope you'll like it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It has been a distressing and confusing time for Jen, but after a long summer of grief she had to face</span>
  <span> the</span>
  <span> reality. </span>
  <span>Yes, her husband died in an accident and it happened so unexpectedly</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
  
  <span>Her life </span>
  <span>always </span>
  <span>so orderly and </span>
  <span>so </span>
  <span>content</span>
  <span>, as she used to think at that time, perhaps </span>
  <span>she was </span>
  <span>even </span>
  <span>a little cynical</span>
  <span> to think so</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> was suddenly gone, ripped out from her hands</span>
  <span>. </span>
  <span>Since the accident, Jen was a shadow of a person; yet, she had to </span>
  <span>recover from that lost and pull herself together. She had to do it, If not for herself then for her kids, for</span>
  <span> Henry and for Charlie.</span>
  
  <span>The love for her children fueled her </span>
  <span>motivation to get her shit together. Determined to make it work, Jen agreed to work for a year as a </span>
  <span>university teacher. It wasn’t her dream job, but it was a start. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was one of those September days when the sun shines hot on your face and the wind blows cold</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> when Jen </span>
  <span>was </span>
  <span>w</span>
  <span>alking</span>
  <span> through the campus </span>
  <span>trying to find the Art Department. She mentally rolled her eyes</span>
  <span>. She was fully aware that the art students </span>
  <span>were </span>
  <span>intolerabl</span>
  <span>e, but</span>
  
  <span>teaching history of architecture</span>
  <span> was the only job offer she</span>
  <span> got</span>
  <span>. She had to take the job </span>
  <span>for the sake of her sanity and for her children. </span>
  <span>Lot of times, Jen thought they deserved a better mother then her. It made her heart ache, especially now when she was all they had. She had to do better. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Coming to the room 204, Jen noticed how the room was already </span>
  <span>filled with people. </span>
  <span>She looked at the clock, it was almost 9am. She put her things on the desk and turned around to write her name on the boa</span>
  <span>rd, cursing herself mentally for agreeing to take this job. She hated it, being in the center of attention, standing in f</span>
  <span>ront of all these people, unsure if</span>
  <span> she can hold herself together. </span>
  <span>As t</span>
  <span>he chatter gradually began to die down, she figured it’s a good time to start the lesson.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So-” She started. “My name is Jen Harding and I will be teaching you the history of architecture. At</span>
  <span> least for the next two semesters</span>
  <span>.” she said unenthusiastically, looking at her stude</span>
  <span>nts faces who also seemed uninterested in her introduction. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As she wanted to continue, suddenly someone burst into class </span>
  <span>late. The door shut loudly</span>
  <span> after</span>
  
  <span>the girl, who was now standing there awkwardly with everyone’s eyes focused on her, including Jen. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really sorry. I couldn’t find the room and-” </span>
  <span>she blurted out, stepping closer to Jen’s desk. Jen’s eyes snapped up impatiently at the girl before she interrupted her. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just sit down please?” Jen said with a forced smile</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Right. Sorry.” the girl murmured under her nose, while trying to find a free s</span>
  <span>eat</span>
  <span> to settle herself quietly. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Impatience and </span>
  <span>annoyance</span>
  <span> were already building up inside Jen, but she couldn’t </span>
  <span>lash out at one of</span>
  <span> her students on the first day</span>
  <span>. </span>
  <span>The girl</span>
  <span> was late, she didn’t commit a fucking crime</span>
  <span>. She </span>
  <span>apologized;</span>
  
  <span>it was fine.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, as I was saying before I got interrupted. I will be teaching this class for the whole year.” </span>
  <span>she said. “From what I know, you used to have an introduction to this class last year. </span>
  <span>This class will be more advanced than the one you had last year. But I’d like to know if you </span>
  <span>managed to finish the material with your teacher last year.” her eyes sc</span>
  <span>anned the room. Most of the students were looking intensively either </span>
  <span>at</span>
  <span> their laptops or notebooks, clearly trying to avoid Jen’s </span>
  <span>eyes. Fucking great, she thought.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone?” Jen asked impatiently. After a short while, </span>
  <span>scanning the room again </span>
  <span>she noticed someone is holding their hand </span>
  <span>up. It was the same girl </span>
  <span>that came late to class. </span>
  <span>Jen</span>
  <span> settled her eyes on the girl</span>
  <span>. She was wearing a long flor</span>
  <span>al</span>
  <span> dress</span>
  <span>, her big brown eyes looking at Jen from under her messy bangs</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?</span>
  <span>”</span>
  <span> Jen asked</span>
  <span>, relieved that someone decided to speak up. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to say we did go through the whole material last year with Mr. Green, so you really don’t need to worry about that</span>
  <span>.” </span>
  <span>she</span>
  <span> said</span>
  <span>. Jen was clearly relieved by this information.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s good to know. Thank you, Miss-?</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s Judy. Judy Hale.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jen forced another smile and turned to the whiteboard, in order to write down the main poin</span>
  <span>t</span>
  <span>s</span>
  <span> on the board. </span>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--------</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the lesson went pretty smoothly, better than Jen imagined. In </span>
  <span>fact,</span>
  <span> she was actually relived. Maybe it won’t be as bad as she thought. </span>
  <span>The students weren’t really talkative or willing to answer her questions. Well</span>
  <span> besides one person. Judy Hale. Her hand always up, </span>
  <span>she so eager to answer Jen’s questions, giving Jen a reassuring smile from the end of the class. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As everyone </span>
  <span>began to file out of the room and Jen was gathering her belongings, </span>
  <span>she</span>
  <span> realized someone is standing next to her desk. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to apologize for being late to your class today </span>
  <span>Mrs</span>
  <span>.</span>
  <span> Harding.” </span>
  <span>Judy said after waiting for a while before her presence was registered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her heart ached at the way the girl addressed her. After all, she was no longer Mrs. Harding</span>
  <span>, </span>
  <span>since her husband died. </span>
  <span>Looking up she recognized </span>
  <span>it was Judy</span>
  <span>,</span>
  
  <span>the person </span>
  <span>who</span>
  <span> kind of saved her as</span>
  <span>s</span>
  <span> during her first lesson as a teacher</span>
  <span>. Judy was standing there smiling a</span>
  <span>wkwardly, waiting for any kind of response from Jen. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to </span>
  <span>disrespect you or anything.” </span>
  <span>Judy</span>
  
  <span>added.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok</span>
  <span>ay</span>
  <span>. Really, you ma</span>
  <span>de</span>
  <span> up for </span>
  <span>you</span>
  <span>r</span>
  <span> lateness with your activ</span>
  <span>e participation</span>
  <span>.</span>
  <span>” Jen finally responded with a </span>
  <span>reassuring </span>
  <span>smile</span>
  <span>, to which Judy’s face beamed with happiness. </span>
  <span>“No one else but you said a word during this class. Seriously, I actually owe you a thank you. It was my first class.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” </span>
  <span>Judy </span>
  <span>responded quickly</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know?”</span>
  <span> Jen sounded surprised. Did she really appeared </span>
  <span>to be such an</span>
  
  <span>unexperienced </span>
  <span>teacher that her students managed to notice that during her first day? Fuck that. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I mean yeah, I surely would remember if I you had been around the campus and I’ve never seen you so I </span>
  <span>kinda</span>
  <span> figured you’re </span>
  <span>new here</span>
  <span>.”</span>
  <span> Judy added quickly and the awkwardness has set </span>
  <span>on her face once again. She did not mean to offend Jen in any way, she just wasn’t thinking</span>
  <span>. “Really you were great.” she added after a moment of silence between them. Her comment made Jen smile lightly, which calmed Judy’s nerves. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, thank you for your participation Miss Hale. Just don’t be late next time ok</span>
  <span>ay</span>
  <span>?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! Thank you for understanding Mrs. Harding.” Judy smiled at her teacher and realizing all of the </span>
  <span>other </span>
  <span>students </span>
  <span>had </span>
  <span>already left the room she understood it wa</span>
  <span>s her </span>
  <span>c</span>
  <span>ue to leave as well. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>I</span>
  <span>t’s Miss.” Jen suddenly said</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Harding. I’m technically no longer</span>
  <span> married. </span>
  <span>I’m a widow.</span>
  <span>” Jen said, unsure why she decided to share her pe</span>
  <span>rsonal life with </span>
  <span>one of </span>
  <span>her student</span>
  <span>s</span>
  <span>, but she could not hold it in anymore. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be.” she said and gave Judy a not so reassuring smile.</span>
  <span> After that they were silent for a while. Neither of them knew what to say. The a</span>
  <span>tmosphere suddenly felt heavy. Until Judy </span>
  <span>finally</span>
  <span> decided to speak up.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope </span>
  <span>this isn’t weird, but can I give you a hug?”</span>
  
  <span>Judy asked genuinely concerned</span>
  <span>, catching Jen off guard.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No.” Jen responded</span>
  <span> surprised at the </span>
  <span>upfront suggestion</span>
  <span>. She wasn’t used to </span>
  <span>any kind of intimacy. And it would be fucking weird to accept such a proposition from her </span>
  <span>student. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Judy nodded </span>
  <span>understandingly </span>
  <span>and smiled </span>
  <span>as if nothing happened.</span>
  
  <span>“</span>
  <span>I</span>
  <span>’ll see you on </span>
  <span>W</span>
  <span>ednesday Miss Harding.</span>
  <span>” Judy added </span>
  <span>and turned around to leave the room.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure.” Jen </span>
  <span>answered dumbfounded, looking after Judy Hale leaving </span>
  <span>the room so casually.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> was that. </span>
  
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
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